[Contents] [home]

1976, Brookline MA, age 2
While hanging on the bars to the jungle gym in the backyard. . .I would not let my mother take me down until finally when I could no longer hold on, and only then cried for help and allow my mother to lift me down.

1977 Brookline, age 3:
I find a photo in national geographic magazine of two polynesian women by Paul Gauguin and bring the magazine to the kitchen where there was a postcard of a different painting of polynesian women by the same artist. My
mother picks me up and twirls me around exclaiming how proud she is I made this association at such a young age.

Lexington, MA, September 2001
For my first thirteen years I lived with my parents in Brookline, MA. But when I left home to go to boarding school, I was given an equal thirteen years of freedom to compensate for the time I spent under parental guidance. These unbelievable years are chronicled in the two volume Double Mirrors anthology.
But at age 26 this grace period was questioned, right after I completed this book project. My two earliest memories engraved in my psyche, and written about in the very beginning of this book, later played out as part of my emotional crisis which climaxed in Israel as I was given word the publication of my books was complete. I felt I was not safe and drove north wildly, stayed in the woods near Dimona (where Israel's nuclear plant is), peaking with paranoia.
Not knowing where to go, I ended up at the house of a friend of my parents in Bear Sheva just to the north. I showed up at their house and said I was having a crisis. I was given a room to stay in for 4 days, and sure enough right next to the bed was a print of the very same Gauguin painting i had seen as a young boy. And on the wall was an orange emergency waterproof match case with flint on the side. It was exactly the same as the one which I had used in the remote pacific island of Rota when I had no matches and wanted to light candles Friday night for Shabat. I used a knife to strike against the flint and was able to start a fire using tissue paper. I was manifesting on hyperdrive.

This time in Israel was the high point of my benign psychosis. Everywhere I looked were physical manifestations of my emotional experience. It was more than just God wherever I looked-posters of dolphins, TV, radio matching my thoughts, etc. it was scaring the people around me and me as well. I call myself a good psycho because I do not hurt myself or anyone else, but something happened when I finished this book project and came close to finally publishing Double Mirrors. The energy was growing on itself and perhaps even out of control, and certainly more than I could handle. I tried to leave the country and fly but was turned back by security claiming they would not let me take my laptop on the flight. I took out the removable hard drive, and traveled with just this and a few changes of clothes. At the house in Lexington, Ma, where I ended up a few months later, and right next where the American revolutionary war began, I was able to order an external housing for this drive and a new laptop, and I was back online.

Thank God, I survived the summer of 2001. Having moved out of the studio I built in the Jerusalem condo, am now back in Boston where I grew up, recovering from the emotional ordeal (and hyper-manifestations) which was traumatic not only for myself but those around me as well. God knows my intentions were good throughout this long journey, but while isolating myself in these emotional Doorway's and high energy spots around the planet, and not communicating with those around me, including my parents, a crisis resulted. It was more than I could mentally absorb as the tension built on itself. There is danger of carrying too much information without expressing it to someone. This project is the expression of a silent journey of thirteen unbelievable years. Thank God I have survived to tell my story.

Visit to read the DoubleMirrors 2 volume anthology.

[<<] [<] [>] [>>] [Contents] [home]

Do you want to hear more of my ramblings? Let me know!

Original Archive of Journal Entries:
 #1   #2  #3  #4  #5   #6   #7  #8  #9  #10  #11  #12
 #13  #14  #15  #16  #17  #18   #19 #20   #21      

Book Excerpts has been growing rapidly,thank God. Please help spread the word!

[contact me]

[sign guestbook]

[view guestbook]